Coffee with Valkyries

Immunity

I’m rather convinced that I’m immune to pick-up lines; that or I tend to deflect them with a few words.

After a hearty linner (lunch-dinner) at Bugis Junction and a quick trip to Smiggle, Mintea, Avarielle and the self headed to Vivocity because Mintea was meeting up with Dude.

Since he could only catch a break later on from his roadshow, we waited at a Gelare as we pondered over which waffles and ice cream to get. By the time we did order, he arrived, plonking himself next to me and across Mintea.

As usual conversation went on, it came to a point where I went, “Yeah, after this, Dude’ll go like, ‘Right, I don’t think I want to see your friends again…’”

Then he gave all of us this silly grin as he went, “Actually, if she (Mintea) lets go of the reins, I think I’ll be looking for every excuse to hang out with all of you.”

And somehow after that, the topic of joint accounts and stuff came onto the table, with Mintea going, “You gotta put a ring on it!”

“Fine,” Dude said. Then he turned to me and said, “Eh, you’re still single right?”

I looked at Mintea with an expression that read “what is this?!”. Apparently we mirrored each other then. Dude didn’t let up. So this was what transpired:

Dude: “How’re you doing?” (Joey from FRIENDS-style, may I add.)

Joelyn: “Go away Afiq.”

Dude: “DAMMIT!” turns to Avarielle, “Eh Shu Yan, How’re you doing?”

Avarielle: *looks away* “Whatever…”

Dude: “No!!! One day, you all will be MINE!!!”

Mintea laughed.

Then we started making jokes on releasing the reins on Dude just to see the nonsense he can create among the Valkyries. Needless to say, we all started speculating on what was going to transpire if Sarah was around instead.

Somehow I don’t really know if I really want to see that happen.

~ Joelyn Alexandra

Bird Rice

Now, we are not really the kind who will laugh at… no, from what I’ve been seeing, yes, we are. We are the people who laugh hysterically when you say your own name wrongly even when you’re drugged out and drunk.

So here’s a really overdue story:

XH, one of our friends, had a student’s friend who was taking Chinese “B” for his “O” Levels on a certain year.

Just to give a quick background, Chinese “B” is like Basic Language. In Singapore, it’s compulsory for students to take a second language according to ethnicity (don’t ask, I don’t know either), so if you were a Singaporean Chinese who was constantly not doing well for exams and stuff, you went to the “B” class.

So these students had Listening Comprehension papers and Oral/ Speaking Examinations that took up 50% of their final grade. During Oral Examinations, students are usually asked to read a passage at the first instance.

I admit that I’m more or less still rather fundamental/ street-conversational when it comes to Mandarin, but nothing could really prepare me for the next part of the story.

When it was this particular student’s turn to read his passage to the examiner, this was a snippet of what came out:

“Ah yee, niao fan yi pan duo shao?”

Translated: “Auntie, how much would a plate of BIRD rice cost?”

Singaporeans love Chicken Rice. But if you would look at the simplified mandarin character for Chicken, people who can understand the language will know how that came about.

After that, the Valkyries just about used “Niao Fan” as a term of exasperation.

I don’t blame them. HAHA.

~ Joelyn Alexandra

The “what the”s of the Valkyrie Knights

There are many times in our lives where we just want to put a palm to our faces in exasperations. Sometimes, we replace that feeling with just letting it all out with an expression, usually starting with “What The…”

So here’s a list of “What The”s the Valkyrie Knights came up with and let’s see how many you can guess…

• WTH
• WTF
• WTFF
• WTFH
• WTS
• WTFS
• WTC
• WTBH
• WTJ
• WTL
• WTCB
• WTP
• WTNF

… no prizes if you can guess them all though. Good for you if you can get the last five. HAH. Clue: This is family unfriendly. As are all the other posts here.

~ Joelyn Alexandra

The Golden Conversation

Mintea: WTH are Asian Values?!

Sarah: Anything that isn’t Bsian or Csian.

Ah Twitter, you never fail to entertain me.

~ Joelyn Alexandra

There’s Societal Logic, there’s Valkyrie Logic, and there’s…

The following post will kinda describe the things that will happen if Sarah is your maid-of-honour. For people who are considering getting her to be so, you have been warned.

Most of us would know that by a certain age, topics like marriage and families become the norm. For people who have greater imagination, things like marriage pranks take the center stage in their topics.

While we have heard of the usual pranks -> Numerous amounts of push-ups, Dancing on the road, Underwear pranks, Eating gross stuff, Sugar ice and what not, I always expected that the Valkyrie Knights should have something different.

Now, while we’ve always jested that wedding pranks for Sarah would be way cool (stopping the groom at the ground floor and giving him climbing gear to climb up to her flat on the second level), she had to bring it to the next level - just because she can.

We were at a toy store in Takashimaya Ngee Ann City. It was on FOURUM, opposite where Art Friend was. So while we were fascinated by the wooden toys that dominated the store greatly, Sarah chanced upon this item - a pulley system.

“Eh! I should get this, so that I could hang this outside my brother’s window and get pizza from him when he’s on the ground floor,” she said.

“Right,” I said, “I’ll keep that in mind the next time you think of a wedding prank.”

“I KNOW!” she gasped, “They should have this outside our window and when the guy comes, you guys stop him at the first level and his friends will have to pull him up!”

“Okay, so what’s the difference with that and the elevator?”

“He gets pulled up!” - This was when she struck her signature half-robot and grin pose.

If that wasn’t enough, she continued, “And he’ll have to go through ALL our houses, solving puzzles and stuff until he reaches ths bride!”

“What if he gives up and throws the marriage away halfway?” Raven asked.

“Then he’s not worth it.”

“Not the only problem,” I added, “At that rate, the Tea Ceremony will only commence at 5pm.”

“He can start with all this the week before!”

Dear people who would like Sarah to be your maid-of-honour, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

*that or she’s deliberately telling you this so that she will not be asked and she can enjoy wedding food in peace. HAR HAR.

~ Joelyn Alexandra